Twisted: Elmo and Ambigore's Odyseee
by Uncle Elmo
Summary: Follow Elmo and Ambigore's adventures to Escape the Promised Land in the third part of the Twisted Series


Twisted: Elmo & Ambigore's Oddysee

Elmo:…ute

Ambigore: Hey! Where the Hell are we?

(They look around, It looks like they've landed on a meadow, the sky is Blue and the sun is just rising. Leaves swirl in the breeze_… (Yes, Yes I think they've got the message)_ Oh All right then, This place is VERY NICE! All right? )

Elmo: Looks like somewhere out of the Sound of Music.

Ambigore: Oh Please god don't let it be true!

The 2 friends walk on, they come to a beach and it's full of People with Black coats, dancing about as the sun comes up.

Ambigore: Nooooo!

Elmo: You feeling all right?

Ambigore: It can't be! …

Elmo: Oh Bugger looks like we've got company!

(Elmo points in the direction of a mob running towards them, The figures on the beach seem to have disappeared…)

Ambigore: Look like we're not popular around here.

(The Mob seems to have noticed them, They're very angry)

Mob: There they are. Get them!

Elmo: Oh Crap! RUN!

Ambigore: I'm well ahead of you!

(They both run as fast as they can but the Mob seem to keep up with them)

Elmo: They're gaining on us!

(It's true! Within a few minutes a net is fired entrapping Elmo, Elmo falls over tripping over Ambigore)

Ambigore: You Git! I was nearly free!

Elmo: It wasn't my fault!

(The Mob encircles them and an official looking bloke comes forward)

Leader: You two Miscreants have been charged with the Crime of Witchcraft, How do you plead?

Elmo: What The?

Ambigore: I'm not a witch I'M A WEBMASTER!

Mob Member: I saw them! I Saw them appear in Mid-air!

Leader: (Looking Smug): See You are witches, No Ancients can do such things!

Elmo: We're not Ancients, l we're Human!

Leader: (Changing Expression): This is a very serious crime! Come with us, You must await trial!

(Ambigore and Elmo are marched off to a Prison)

SOMETIME LATER: (Ambigore and Elmo are sharing a cell, The Dark room is in contrast to the sunny day outside, Ambigore is Lying on the bunk while Elmo is looking out of the Window between the bars.

Elmo: Look like they're building a Bonfire, Wonder what they're burning?

Ambigore: have a guess.

Elmo: You don't think…

Ambigore: Yes I do… They think we're witches, We're going to be burned at the Stake!

Elmo: Bugger!

A Hologram suddenly appears in the Centre of the room; it's about a foot high.

Elmo: Hey that's….

Ambigore: Sssshhhhh!

Hologram: Help me Ambigore and Elmo, You're my only hope… Help me Ambigore and Elmo you're my only hope… Help me Ambigore and Elmo you're my only hope…. Help me…

Elmo: A Woman of many words isn't she!

They hear some banging on the wall of the next cell and a voice.

Voice: Crappy Hologram Generator!

The Hologram starts to fade.

Ambigore: Hey! Bring it back! Play the whole message!

(A Voice shouts from the next cell)

Aerith: Sorry! I got it second hand, It doesn't work!

Ambigore (Shouts): How do you know our names?

Aerith: I'm an Ancient, It's my job to know!

Elmo: How can we help you?

Aerith: I need to get out of here!

Guard: SILENCE!

Elmo: Well that's a guaranteed Conversation ender!

Ambigore: We have to help her!

Elmo: Well shouldn't we help ourselves first, I mean no offence but She's already dead, what more can happen to her.

Ambigore: Didn't you hear her, SHE NEEDS OUR HELP!

Elmo: I know, but we have to make sure our butt is covered first.

Ambigore: So what do we do now?

Ifalna: Try explaining to me what happened.

Elmo: Who the Hell are you?

Ambigore: And how did you get in?

Ifalna: (Holding her hand up): Don't worry all will be revealed in due course! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ifalna, your lawyer; I am going to defend you in your trial tomorrow.

Ambigore: Trial? I thought we were sentenced to Death!

Ifalna: What on earth made you think of that?

Elmo: (pointing outside) That! For a start!

Ifalna: My lord No! That's for the annual giant Barbecue! What did you think it's for?

Elmo: Oh, Nothing….

Ifalna: the Maximum Sentence for Witchcraft is Banishment, But Don't worry I'm sure that won't be a problem!

Ambigore: Ifalna?

Ifalna: Yes?

Ambigore: You're not Ifalna _Gast_ By any chance?

Ifalna: Well Yes, How do you know…

Ambigore: Lucky Guess….

Elmo: Hey that means she's…. Hey Ifalna, do you know that your Daughter is in the next cell?

Ifalna: (nodding her head sadly), She's been arrested for heresy, She wants to help the humans! Don't you find that Horrible!

Ambigore: Yes as a matter… MNPHMMMM MMMPHMN

Elmo: (Still Covering Ambigores' mouth): Of course that's a heinous crime!

Ifalna: I will meet you tomorrow morning, there are some things I'd like to discuss before the trial…

(Ifalna Leaves)

Ambigore: What do you want to do that for! 

Elmo: Carry on like that and we'll be killed!

Ambigore: What the hell do you know! She needs our help! 

Elmo: Fine! But let's try not to get killed while doing it! Remember what we're here for.

(THE NEXT MORNING) 

The Three Prisoners are lead into an interview room, Elmo and Ambigore are wearing something that looks like a potato sack and Aerith is wearing a white Nightie.

Elmo: Hey! I want the Nightie!

Guard: SILENCE!

They are seated at a table, the prisoners sit at one end, while Ifalna sits at the other, the Guard watches the proceedings. 

Ifalna: Right, for some reason, the Judge wants you all to be tried together. I'm not saying that it'll be easy but I reckon that you can get away with it by doing one thing: Pleading Insanity.

Elmo & Ambigore: WHAT?

Ifalna: It's the best way, then you'll get sent back to Earth without a punishment.

Ambigore: No can do! We're gonna Fight this!

Elmo: Ambigore, I hope I know what you're doing.

Aerith: Elmo's right, If you're found guilty then you'll be banished!

Ambigore: So? If we quit now. We can kiss goodbye to reality!

Elmo: I'm afraid he's right we HAVE to fight them, I think we're meant to!

Ifalna: All right, as for as I'm concerned you're on your own.

Elmo: WHAT? I thought you were our attorney?

Ifalna: there's nothing I can do for you. Good Luck!

Aerith: I'm with you guys! You're human right?

Ambigore: Well I am but he's Welsh does that count?

Elmo: Hey! I heard that!

Aerith: Meteo and Holy will destroy mankind if we do nothing, We must rise and stop it, and convince everybody to do the same!

Ambigore: Yes! Now you're talking! Are you with us Elmo?

Elmo: I suppose so….

(AT THE TRIAL)

Judge: Elmo, Ambigore you are both charged with the heinous crime of not only committing witchcraft but of being Human! How do you plead?

Elmo: (whispering) Didn't the judge look like he was sucking a lemon then?

Ambigore: NOT GUILTY!

(Several Gasps come from the Public Gallery)

Judge: Let me get this straight, You said 'Not guilty' and do you concur Elmo & Aerith?

Aerith: Yes M'Lud!

Elmo: Yep!

Judge: Then it is settled, Since you have no defence, No alibi and no way of appeal I find you all guilty, and I sentence you to Banishment to the other side of the country, 

As the words of Onkelll Elmer says "Heeel Ffahwr" and may Onkel have mercy on your soul!.

Elmo: WAIT A MINUTE!

(In a couple of Flashes they're gone!)

Judge: It is done, Let it be Recorded in the Book of Rugbeeee that Aerith, Daughter of Ifalna and Two humans have been Banished from the Promised Land forever. 

A Figure steps in court, he must be some sort of ruler as everybody bows as he passes.

Figure: Has it been done?

Judge: Yes Master, It has.

Figure: Then let the destruction of Mankind Begin!

(Everyone cheers.)

(SOMEWHERE ELSE…)

Elmo: Well so much for a Fair Trial.

Ambigore: Where are we?

Aerith: We've been banished! We'll never get out! We're in the Labyrinth!

Elmo: Great so let's just slit our throats and get it over with.

Ambigore: Elmo can you stop being sarcastic for just one minute (turns to Aerith)

Aerith what do you mean 'We can't get out'

Aerith: No-one ever has No one has ever escaped from the legendary Labyrinth.

Ambigore: Well there's a first time for everything, Let's go!

Elmo: How? Which way!

(Elmo Pointed out that they had materialised in the middle of a crossroads the roads extended as far as the eye could see)

Ambigore: Right, Eeny Meeny…

Elmo: That's Stupid, Our life hangs on some one 'dipping'.

Aerith: Ambigore, I don't understand why don't you use magic?

Ambigore: Aerith, I thought you understood we're not witches you se we…

Aerith: I know but you're a magic user, I can tell these things.

Ambigore: You What? I can't use Magic, I'm Human!

Aerith: Your magic is within.

Elmo: Look when you've stopped all this Shmaltzy talking shall we get going?

Ambigore: How can I use Magic?

Aerith: It's easy, you've just got to believe! Now think carefully, Which is the way out of this labyrinth.

(Ambigore closes his eyes and points)

Ambigore: Thattaway

Elmo:Great Sherlock but try coming down.

(Ambigore is floating about 5 foot off the ground, He notices this when he opens his eyes and falls down)

Aerith: You broke concentrarion, Try to keep it.

Ambigore:You mean I can fly?

Aerith: Naturally!

Elmo: Right Are we going then? 

(They walk in the direction that Ambigore pointed in. Elmo Storms up ahead while Aerith and Ambigore walk together)

Ambigore: Aerith I don't understand, Why can't you use magic?

Aerith: I can, but in the Labyrinth, all Cetra's powers are subdued.

Ambigore: So if all the ancients are capable of Magic then how can we be arrested for Witchcraft.

Aerith: Magic is outlawed, Dark times have come to the Promised land, the new Leader made it so. He wishes all mankind to be destroyed

Ambigore: Who is this leader?

Aerith: You and Elmo know him and his deputy well, their names are…

Elmo: Hey Hurry up!

(Aerith Signs and runs ahead to catch up)

Ambigore: Who'd want to destroy mankind? Hmm I Wonder…

(Some time later)

Elmo: Are we there yet?

Ambigore: No!

Elmo Are we there yet?

Ambigore NO! 

Elmo: What time is it?

Ambigore: I Don't know.

Elmo: Is it lunchtime soon?

Ambigore: I Don't know.

Elmo:Are we there yet?

Ambigore: ELMO SHUT UP! 

(A green flame shoots out of Ambigores finger and encircles Elmo's throat.)

Elmo (mouths): What's happened to my voice?

Ambigore: Yes! I should have done that earlier!

Elmo (tapping Aerith on the Shoulder & miming): When does this wear off?

Aerith: (Stifling her laughter): In a couple of hours. Ambigore has learned to use 'Silence' be greatful he didn't use 'Toad' or 'mini'!

Elmo (Miming): Very Funny!!!

(EVEN LATER, A Hunched figure is watching their progress on a vid screen, we can't see his face but he look kinda familiar. )

FIGURE: YES! They'll never escape NEVER! Bwahahaha!(Another figure appears in the doorway)

OTHER FIGURE: Calm down Sephiroth, Their stay isn't permanent I assure you.

Sephiroth Bwa Ha ha: Yes Lord Fresnath, after all you ARE the owner of the Labyrinth.

Lord Fresnath: Remember, our job is just to occupy them, In fact I think it's about time we showed them the way out., They must enter Times Square within the hour.

Sephiroth: But Why?

Lord Fresnath: What the master wants the master gets.

Sephiroth: (looking glum) Awww!

(BACK IN THE LABYRINTH)

Ambigore: What the? 

Elmo: (Voice still faint from the effects of the spell) Is it me, or did that door in fron just appear from nowhere?

Aerith: It's the way out too.

Elmo: How do you know, Ancient's intuition?

Aerith: No, The Big neon sign above it flashing 'EXIT'

Elmo: Oh Yeah!

They walk through the door and appear in the same room we saw earlier, Sephiroth Bwa-ha is sitting by the screen. Lord Fresnath steps forward.

Lord Fresnath: Greetings, I am the owner of the Labyrinth, You have successfully passed the test.

Ambigore: What test?

Lord Fresnath: Don't be so modest, your skills were exemplary Well done?

Elmo: Wait, I'm confused…

Ambigore(mumbling): That's a surprise.

Elmo: He didn't do anything, we just walked and walked…

Lord Fresnath: Stop! You're all too modest now go on, Your destiny awaits!

Aerith looks at him suspisiously but he shruggs it off, The walk through another door and dissapear. Sephiroth is still hunched over the screen. 

Sephiroth: Go on little girl, We've stolen your baby brother! HA HA! Umm Lord

Lord F:Yes Sephiroth

Sephhy: I was wondering what to do about the new victim, We've stolen her brother and…

Lord F (Rather irritably): Yes,Yes get the Goblin King to deal with it, I have no time!

Sephiroth:- But Sir! He has No Fashion sense, a sad haircut and thinks he can sing!

Lord F:-Don't Argue with me!, Now it is time for me to retire….

(IN TIMES SQUARE)

Elmo: Where are we now? 

Aerith: Times Square, Never will you find a more vile place.

Ambigore: The place looks heavily guarded, how do we get in?

Aerith: Leave that to me.

(They stroll up to the guards)

Guards: Hey Aren't you….

Aerith: (In a dreamy voice): We are not the guys you are looking for.

Guard: They're not the guys we're looking for.

Aerith: We're just going for a walk.

Guard:They're just going for a walk

Aerith: Move Along.

Guard Move Along,Move Along.

They get let through and Ambigore turns to Aerith,

Ambigore: How did you do that?

Aerith: Strong Magic works best on the weak minded.

Elmo: They're just going for a walk… Move Along, Move Along Move Along

Ambigore:What's up with him?

Aerith: (Shruggs) :It'll wear off soon. Besides if we're to return to the promised land we need a Space ship.

Ambigore: So the Promised land is another planet?

Aerith: Yes, Iit is, You see our Ancestors began on Earth, but the Great Onkell Elmer

Said "you shall find a land, a bettr place, I promise you!"

Ambigore: And thios place is the promised land? 

Aerith: Exactly!

(She points to a rowdy looking place, It's has bar written all over it)

Elmo: Hey Interesting Graffitti, It has 'bar' written all over it!

Ambigore: Someone is taking this joke FAR too Seriously!

Aerith: Let's go in.

(A large man is standing by the door, he has the word 'Doorman' written all over him)

Elmo: Hey! Interesting Tattoo, He has the word Mnph Mphn Pnph..

Ambigore: That's the end of THAT joke!

Bouncer:- I'm sorry we Don't let THAT sort come in here!

(They look around)

Ambigore: What sort?

Bouncer: I Don't understand?

Ambigore: Who aren't you letting in?

Bouncer: I… Don't know, I have to stop one of you coming in, It's my job.

Aerith: But Who?

Bouncer: Whoever the plot requires to stay outside. Any Scantily clad females?

Aerith: Why's everyone looking at me, it is a little hot and… Damn! There are some Hentai' s out there!

Bouncer: How about a disposable Character, someone who will have humerous japes while being persued by the enemy?

Ambigore: That's more like it. ELMO! Come here!

Elmo: I Heard that!

Aerith: There's only one way we can decided it then…

Elmo: Yes! I LOVE playing Twister!

Aerith (Rolling her eyes): I Mean Janken.

Ambigore: That's so Childish! How about Battle ships?

Elmo: Don't forget Twister, I have the Mat here look!

Bouncer: Look if it's that much hassle, I'll pick it OK!

Aerith: Alright!

Ambigore: O.K

Elmo: (Whining) But I wanted to play twister

Bouncer: Right I elect This fellow to stay outside! (Points at Elmo)

Ambigore: Yeeess!

Aerith: Let's go then!

(They both enter the bar-bar)

Elmo: Ohhh What can I do now?

Bouncer: The Enemy will be here soon, requiring you to wear a variety of interesting disguises and be chased to a ship whereby you make a great escape…

Elmo: Well Untill then, Fancy a game of Twister?

(IN THE BAR-BAR, It's packed, a man is singing Karaoke, he's quite good)

Aerith: You go and order the drinks and start asking the pilots for a ship.

Ambigore:O.K!

(Ambigore makes his way to the bar and is accousted by a large alien, he looks very angry)

ALIEN: Boogie Boogie!

Ambigore: What did you say?

Cheesy looking man: He says he doesn't like you.

Ambigore: I'll keep out of his way then.

C.L.M: We're wanted for murder in seven fanfics.

Ambigiore: I'll watch myself then.

C.L.M:You'll be dead!

(The Alien and C.L.M lunge for Ambigore who get's angry and launches Ultima on them , There's nothing left of them, No-one seems to have noticed, but miracuously there's a gap in at the bar, another Alien turns to him, this one looks more 'cuter' he has a long Snout..)

Alien: Hey! My Name's Gordon Shumway, you can calll me Alf, that was impressive looking pyrotechincs kid!

Ambigore: Thanks!

Alien: I HATE Humans! One minute, I was Talk of the Town, the next I was less Popular that Cabbage Patch Kids, do you know how that felt?

Ambigore: I Can Imagine.

Alien: No You can't! AND They made me wear tasteless Hawaian shirts!

Ambigore: I'm really sorry for you!.

Barman: What would you like?

Ambigore: How about a beer?

(Everyone seems shocked by this)

Barman: I mean you actually want to drink it?

Ambigore: What else can I do with it?

Barman: Well, strip paint, Unblock Toilets,are just 2 of the things you can do.

Ambigore: Look I've tasted bad beers, Give me a couple, No Worries!

Barman: Well Alright!

(He pours out 2 glasses of sizzling stuff, it's the stereotypical witches brew, Bubbling, fizzing, eats through the table, it's clear though that this stuff is DEFNATELY not dry ice.

Ambigore: Looks at it for a while and seems to come to a decision, He Downs one glass straight away and takes the second to Aerith

Ambigore: Oh, How much was that?

Barman: (Clearly Shocked) It's on the House!

(The Barman picks up the Empty glass and sniffs it, he pours out another cup and drinks it.)

Barman: It's a Miracle! He turned THAT into Beer!

Aerith: What took you so long?

Ambigore: Oh Nothing, Turned this crap into beer, incinerated a few people, nothing special really.

Aerith: Well we've found our ship. This Person is captain of it, Let's get going!

Ambigore: WAIT! How do you know this bloke is Kosher?

Highwind: You Telling me, you never heard of the Highwind?

Ambigore: Well… Yes!

Highwind: Oh.. Well can I tell you about it anyway?

Ambigore: Not really I know all about it!

Highwind (Ignoring him) : It went from Wutai to Kalm in just under 20 seconds!

Ambigore: Can we go now!

Highwind:- What about the Price! Where are you going?

Ambigore: The Pro..

Aerith: I'll tell you on the way, we have to make a stop at a place first We need some help.

Highwind: Right that'll cost you 100,000

Ambigore 100,000 dollars!!!

Highwind: No, 100,000 tonnes of Chocolate.. Wait that can't be right… 100,000 Dollars, Oh yeah sorry!

Aerith: Here you are!

Ambigore: Where did you get that sort of money?

Aerith: I kept it aside, you know for a rainy day..

Ambigore: Oh Well Alright then. Move out1!

Aerith: Why Do you have to be so lame! 'Move out' is sooo Wussie!

Ambigore: How about….

Highwind: Let's go?

Ambigore: Nope it's been done before.

Aerith: Which way?

Ambigore: Nope

Highwind: Incoming?

Ambigore: Nope

Aerith: How about Blib?

Ambigore: Original but Stupid.

Highwind: I Give up!

Aerith: SO Do I.

Ambigore: Don't Give up, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE!

Aerith: You're telling me that we went through all that to listen to a crummy Prappa the Rapper Joke?

Highwind: Let's go! (Turning to the Karaeoke singer) Hey Fella, You're good! 

Singer: Well Thank you Ver' Much! (Lanches into another song) You aint nothin' but a hound dog, Cryin' all the time…

(Outside)

Elmo:Left hand Blue!

(The Bouncer falls down)

Elmo: Hah! Hah! I win again!

Ambigore: Let's go Elmo, We've found a ship

Aerith: Let's go!

(They get to the ship, ans sure enough,it's the Highwind)

Elmo runs into the cockpit while Highwind is still outside, 

Ambigore: Don't touch anything Elmo!

Aerith: No Don't!

Elmo: Oh Alright then, and presses a button.

Ambigore: What the hell did you do that for?

Elmo: I thought you telling me not to press the button was a secret sign or something.

Aerith: No!

Ambigore: We're taking off!

Elmo: Oh Bugger!

Aerith: Elmo do you know how to steer this thing?

Elmo: (mumbles) :Step on the gas… Step on the Break.

Aerith: Oh Great we're screwed! What Ambigore I AM allowed to swear you know, this fanfic is rated PG-13.

Ambigore: Oh SorrY!.

(Back on the Ground)

Highwind: Well Jabba, I Didn't really mean to steal the highwind n'all.

(He sees the Highwind taking off) 

Highwind: HEY! Come back! Move otta the way you overgrown slug!

(The Highwind takes off and Highwind is all alone, Jabba watches him)

Highwind: Ummm I Didn't mean the 'slug' comment, Honest!

(On the Highwind)

Ambigore: I Suggest you learn how to steer this thing and fast!

Elmo: I seem to have got the hang of it, Check and turn and signal to the right…

Aerith: Oh Great! I thought the Parappa jokes were done already.

Elmo: That's it! We're flying Ambigiore, We're flying!

(Crows are watching the proceedings)

Crow1: Well aint that a sight, I've seen Chicken Wings,

Crow2:and Square shaped rings.

Crow3:I've read fanfics that'll make you cry!

All: We've all seen 'bout everything, But we aint seen an Elmo fly…

(Back on the Highwind)

Elmo: Yes! I'm King of the World Wooo Hooo!

Ambigore: Don't get carried away!

Aerith: Elmo, fly to these co-ordinates.

Elmo: Yes Ma'am! I can even under stand them, this is great!

Ambigore: Let me see them… Why Don't you want me to see them?

Aerith (sighs): I didn't think you'd come.

Ambgore: Where are we going?

Aerith: The Citadel.

Ambigore: Oh. Well I gusee it won't be that bad, I suppose…

Elmo: (Under his breath): This will be fun.

(The Promised Land)

Servant: Sir! We have bad news! The 2 humans and Aerith have escaped the Labyrinth! They're on their way to the citadel for reinforcments.

Leader: Send some fighters out to shoot them down, and take no prisoners!

Servant: Yes sir!

Leader: Soon Revenge'll be mine…. Wait this line is so damn Cliché'd (He Rolls his script into a ball and throws it into a vortex )

('REALITY', Well Sort of! The Master is hunched over a keyboard typing furiously, he is surronded by balls of paper on the floor, a Vortex opens up and the ball of paper falls on the masters head. He sighs and keeps on typing)

(The Promised Land)

Leader: Ahem… I Wish that git wouldn't keep throwing paper in here, It's Clogged up already with the Parappa Jo…. Hey! That's not my line! Be careful what you're typing! 

Voice Over: Sorry.

Leader: Well I should bloody well say so! I can't wait to face Ambigore and Elmo again, This time I shall win!

(Back on the Highwind)

Elmo: Uh-Oh We have company!

Aertih: and I haven't cooked any Vol-au-vents yet…

Elmo: No, I really mean it, There's Klingons on the Starboard bow!

Ambigore: That's the Lamest joke I've ever heard.

Aerith: Umm I Think he's right

All:Oh Bugger!

Ambigore: No Worries, Just shoot them down!

Elmo: I would but I can't for 2 reasons, one, we don't have any weapons and two we don't have any weapons. Only that was just a stupid idea, I thought I'd repeat it twice.

Aerith:I can't die in pink! What shall I wear, The Black Gucci dress, the black gucci Dress or the Bla…

Elmo: No time We've been hit!

(ON THE KLINGON SHIP)

Cachhh: (in Klingon) It's a Hit!

(everyone cheers)

Bachh: As the great Elmer says "Let's go home and get some tea" 

(Everybody repeats this in Klingon)

Bachh: CACHHHH Get the bloody Mop Bucket out again!

(The Highwind Yadda,Yadda yadda)

Elmo: We're going down, our stablisor's been hit we need to land somewhere to get some Sellotape.

Aerith: Our only hope it to head for (thunder claps, clichéd crap e.t.c) THE PRIME DOMINION.

Elmo: How did you get thunder in here?

Ambigore: Why does that sound so familiar?

Aerith: The PRI…(Thunder starts up) Oh Cut that crap out! 

Voice: Sorry

Aerith: The Prime Dominion is the place where all Dimensions converge, You can travel through time in there and it's even rumoured to contain the lost chapter of 'Twisted'

Ambigore: The Prime Dominion it is then!

(A BIT LATER)

Elmo: We're here! Looks a bit green though doesn't it?

(The Prime Dominion changes colour to grey and crimson)

Elmo: That's better. Aerith which way now?

Aerith: I don't know, Take your pick.

Elmo: Eeny, Meeny…

Ambigore: Just go that way! Alright!

Elmo: Alright here we go.

(THE HIGHWIND TRAVELS INTO THE VORTEX)

Aerith: Is it me, or do we seem to be speeding up

Elmo: Don't look at me, I'm only used to an Automatic.

Ambigore: We're speeding up!

Elmo:Right into that Blue & Green Planet!

Aerith: Ohhhhh Shiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt!

(The Highwind screams into the planet, but miraculously slows down, It's still traveling fast)

(ON EARTH APPROX 3,000,000 B.C)

Elder: Can you here the Cries of the Planet?

Younger: It is becoming much more louder now, sometimes I swear it tells me next week's lotto numbers.

Elder: Oh? How much have you won?

Younger: I won a couple of wives the other week, and a Bull.

Elder: Is the Bull nice?

Younger: You know I think the Planet is trying to tell us something.

Elder: You're right, That last Volcano eruption didn't do us any favours.

Younger: I think we should move Planet.

Elder: For all you know all Planets could be like this.

Younger: True, It's just sometimes I wish someone would give us a sign…

(5 minutes later)

Elder: yes a SIGN is what we need.

Younger: We Need a SIGN!!!!

(The highwind screams through the atmosphere)

Elder: About Bloody time! 

Younger: That's the Problem with Godly signs they never arrive on cue.

(The High.. Oh You know what I bloody mean…)

Aerith: Bounce it Elmo Bounce it!

Elmo: Oh That joke is so damn low!

Ambigore: We're going to crash! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

Aerith: (slapping Ambigore): Get a hold of yourself!

Ambigore: Sorry, wrong role.

Elmo: Everybody brace for impact!

Aerith: How?

Elmo: I Don't know…

CRASH!

Elmo: We've crashed.

Ambigore: Oh really? I wonder…

Elmo:You 2 stay here , I'll go and get some sellotape and Blu-Tack.

Aerith:Don't worry we aren't going anywhere (under her breath) besides In here looks a lot safter than outside

(Elmo Steps out of the Ship and he comes face to face with thousands of people)

Elder: We have come to welcome you, Oh Lord!

Elmo: I'm not a lord, Uncle yes, Lord No.

Elder: We saw you fall from the skies in this burning chariot.

Elmo: Oh? What was that then?

Elder: This one (Points to the Highwind)

Elmo: Oh, That. Listen I need some Blu-Tack and Sellotape, have you got any? 

Elder: Of Course my lord, Come to our village.

(AT THE VILLAGE) 

Elmo: Then why the hell are you all here?

Elder: Where else is there to go?

Elmo: Away from here for a start.

Elder: Is there anywhere else?

Elmo: Of course!

Elder: Are you sure?

Elmo: YES! I've been to several, they're all nice places really, well apart from the Labyrinth, that was boring, no where to go.

Elder: SO you say, if we leave this planet we shall find a place Better than this.

Elmo: Oh Yeah, You might have to look around for a while though, But you'll find a place where you can be happy. I Promise.

Elder: The Lord has spoken! We shall go out and search for the Promised Land.

Elmo: Wait! What about my Blu-tack and Sellotape!

Elder: Here it is. Lord Elmer…

Elmo: UNCLE Elmo

Elder: have you any last words to tell us before we depart on our journey?

Elmo: Umm Hwyl fawr!

Elder: Farewell!

(The people dissapear)

Elmo: That was Weird.

BACK AT THE HIGHWIND a Few Hours Later

Elmo: That's it Fixed it!

Ambigore: Elmo, are you sure this will work?

Elmo: What did you think kept the Russian space program going for all these years? Right Here goes Nothin!

(The Highwind takes off successfully but sets a tree on fire)

Two monkeys are watching this happening.

MONKEY: Wot was dat den?

Monkey 2: Dunno

Monkey: Why is dat tree a funny colour

Monkey 2 Dunno.

(Monkey goes and touches the Fire)

Monkey: Owww! That Hurts! What shall we call it?

(Monkey 2 also touches the tree)

Monkey 2: F…Aya!!! Dat Hurt!

Monkey:Dat's a great idea, Fiya!

(ON THE TRAIL OF THE LONESOME PINE.. OH ALRIGHT THE HIGHWIND)

Aerith: Go Back to the Dominion, we need to return to our own time

Elmo: Righty Ho!

Ambigore: Stop talking like a pommie! You're supposed to be Welsh!

Elmo: Sorry! Ambigore, I've been wondering.

Ambigore: Elmo for the last tim, I DO NOT KNOW How many Licks a tootsie pop contains ALRIGHT!

Elmo: No, It's not that, If I invited my English Grandmother for a meal in Australia and I had to write it later would I say "A Pommigranate" Geddit? Eh? Eh?

Ambigore: Just Drive.

(Beyond the Dominion)

Aerith: look We're almost there!

  
(_The Citadel stretched out in front of them. It was huge, It's spires dwarfed the Highwind, and any other spires in existence, The Buildings were a myriad of colours, Greens, Blues and Vibrant pinks, Elmo Carefully steered the Highwind to the centre of the a great big Plaza with paths leading in all directions, They are all signposted, Elmo spots a launchpad along one of the paths (Labelled 'Links') he lands the Ship and is met by a Teenager dressed in white, he wears a large robe but Elmo spots a South Park T-Shirt with some jeans Underneath. Ambigore seems Melancholy.)_

Aman: Hello Aerith, It's good to see you again! Who are your friends?

Aerith: Adam, I'm Afraid we have bad news, we need your help!

Ambigore: No We don't, Why are we at this crappy place anyway! I Mean look at it it's too.. bright and look! The paint is peeling!

Aerith: This is Ambigore and the other one is Elmo (to Elmo) Close your mouth dear.

Elmo: It's Beautiful!

Ambigore: I Don't see what people see in this place I mean it's only a citadel, now that Dominion, there was a cool place but here, Nah!

Aman:I have heard of you two, but I have not met you as such. Welcome to the Citadel, I am it's Overseer Adam, You may call me Aman.

Ambigore: Aman? What fool gave you that lame name? 

Aman: You did.

Ambigore: oh.

(They walk along the path to the central plaza, There's a large sign saying 'Under Construction')

Aman: I'm sorry about the mess, Building the Citadel is an ongoing thing, A Second Citadel is being built now.

(He Points to a billboard showing 'CITADEL II COMING SOON")

Aman: This Way, Let's go!

(Aman Leads them down a path that reads 'Message Board')

Ambigore: (mumbling) Under Construction? I Never had a crappy under-construction sign…

(They enter a large room with a huge table, The room is almost full, and we can make out some scraps of argument.)

….I'M TOP OF THE HALL OF FAME!!!….

…CHEATER!…

…PARASITE EVE? HELP!…..

Aman knocks on the table and everybody ignores him.

Chibi Stands up

Chibi: Hey Everybody SHADDDDAPP!

Aman: Thanks Chibi. Aerith has come to us with bad news, The Promised Land is in trouble, and they need our Help.

Sephiroth Hwa-ha: Help? Why should we Help them?

  
Aman: I have yet to introduce her friends, Uncle Elmo & Ambigore.

Sephiroth: THAT'S The 'Great uncle Elmo' Funny I thought he'd be a bit taller.

Aman: Enough, let's talk business!

Silicon Wolf: No I'm NOT A CHEATER!

Cloud: Are Too!

S.W: Am NOT!

Aman: Chibi, do your stuff.

(She hits them on the head with the mallett)

Aman: Thank you. We need to formulate a plan.

Wade: I say we go in a KICK THEIR A$$!

Aman: Any other ideas?

Mallin: I Agree with Wade, Sitting here talking about it won't do much good.

Silicon Wolf: (rubbing his head) : Why Don't we try to talk them out of it?

Cloud: I Agree… Well I have to agree sometimes!

Aman: Elmo, Ambigore do you have anything to say?

Elmo I Think…

Ambigiore: Watch out, the world's gonna explode.

Elmo: Have you got a library?

Aman: What Citadel Hasn't?

Elmo: With Fanfics in?

Aman: Naturally!

Elmo: Could you take me there.

Aman: Sure.

(They walk to the Library)

Bluejay is sitting at a desk, Scribbling Furiously mumbling to himself.

Bluejay:…and Aman says.. Die Eve Die!

Aman: BLUEJAY! What are you working on?

(Bluejay hides the scrap of paper)

Bluejay: Oh Nothing.

Aman: Elmo here is looking for a Fanfic.

Bluejay: Well you've come to the right place, There's loads of good Fanfics here. Magic Knights, I Suggest Eve of Destiny Myself It's really good!

Elmo: have you got the twisted Series?

Bluejay: What do you want to read that for, It's unfunny, Badly written and corny as hell, How about…

Elmo: GIVE BE THE DAMN BOOK!

Bluejay: Allright! Calm down!

(Bluejay hands Elmo the book, It's really dusty and hasn't been used for a long time)

Elmo: Let me see, Ahh Here we are, Twisted: Elmo & Ambigore's Oddysee…

(Back at the MB)

Ambigore: So What I'm Saying is that Aerith, could easily come back, given the right circumstances… and look at that Ending, What better clue can you have?

Silicon Wolf: Can't we talk about something Else?

Ambigore: FINE! If you don't want to hear any of my theories, since _Aman_ deleted them all! 

Wade: he had to burn the books the central heating broke down.

Ambigore: Oh That's what HE says but Was it really broken? Did anyone check it? I Didn't think so!

Aman: We have formulated an Idea, We shall reclaim the Promsed Land Tomorrow!

Let's go to bed!

(Everyone leaves and Just Ambigore and Aerith remain)

Aerith: Why are you so Miserable?

Ambigore: This is My Citadel, or at least it was…

Aerith: You need to get your mind of things how about a Date?

Ambigore: A What?

Aerith: A DA-TE, You have been on one before?

Ambigore: Oh yeah heaps! 

Aerith: Don't you like me?

Ambigore: Well I Suppose so, But If I go on a date with you then it'll be the sort of thing I'll describe to a shrink for the rest of my life.

Aerith: Why?

Ambigore: Well In my dimension, You're not… real.

Aerith: I'm real Here! Just think of me as a figment of your imagination.

Ambigore: that might work…

Aerith: The FFVII Section is free tonight, Let's go!

Ambigore: Oh Alright!

(THE NEXT MORNING IN AMBIGORES ROOM)

Ambigore sits up Aerith is Sat on the end of the bed

Aerith: Good Morning, I Thought you'd never wake up!

Ambigore: You Didn't… Sleep in here did you?

Aerith: (smiling) No, You turned me down.

Ambigore (letting out a sigh of relief): Why Can't I remember anything?

Aerith: it's the alcohol, Everything will come back to you soon.

Ambigore: (Remembering) Hoo Boy!

Aerith (Nods) : All Coming back now huh?

Ambigore: Come on, let's look at the damage.

Everyone is Waiting in the Central Plaza, someone has put Bubble Bath in the Cenral Fountain, The Whle Launchpad is covered in Bubbles..

Aman: Who did this? Stop Giggling Uncle Elmo this is serious!.

Aerith: No Time to deal with this, our attack must be carried out now!

Ambigore: I Agree. We must fight them on the beaches….

Aman: (mumbles) I wanted to do a speech.

(Half an Hour later)

Ambigore:…. And Never Ever Ever Give up!

(Everyone Applauds)

Elmo: Move out!

(The Highwind leaves Followed by several smaller ships)

Elmo: This is the Highwind, Standing by, Initiating Attack plan Alpha.

Ambigore: Elmo do you realise that No-one knows what the hell you're talking about…

(The Promised Land)

Servant: bad news!

Master: What? Again!

Servant: The Highwind is headed Straight for us, With Reinforcments!

Master: get My Ship!

Aman: This Is Red Leader, Contacting Red 5

Elmo: Eh? 

Aman: Elmo I'm not talking to you, I'm Talking to Ambigore.

Ambigore: This is Ambigore, This ship is working out nicely.

Aman: Glad you like it, I Built it myself.

Ambigore: Really? I Thought this seat was a lilttle unconfortable…

Aman: Listen, We'll give you cover, Elmo will disable the Sheild, but I need you to Fly in.

Ambigore: Why should I take orders from you?

Aman: 'Cos This (Holds up the Fanfic) says to, Now get going!

Ambigore: (Mumbles) Alright.

Elmo: Right Buddie, Are you ready?

Ambigore: You've never called me that before!

Elmo: Sorry! Let's go!

Aerith: Ambigore, you know I love you but we only have 12.345 minutes to save the earth!

Ambigore: I'll try my best.

Elmo: Make it so!

(Ambigore's ship, the 'Memories' Flies towards the Promised land at a great speed, )

Elmo: Here I Go, Now let's see what this baby can do!

(The Highwind let's loose it's newly installed Lazers desrouing the escape pod)

Master: Damn it!

Elmo: Yess! Now I'm cooking with gas!

(One More shot and Elmo shoots the Sheild Generator)

Ambigore: Right I'm moving in!

(OUT ON THE KLINGON SHIP GHACHCHCH)

Drackkj: They're too powerful! We Can't handle it!

Wade: (On the radio) Hah! BURN IN HELL!!

Ambigore: I'm There Yes!

(Ambigore enters the Promised Land)

Elmo: DAMN! I'm in trouble!

Voice: No Problem Elmo! You need any help?

Elmo: Squall is that you?

Squall: Yep! I Saved your Butt, But could you call these two bozo's off!

Silicon Wolf & Cloud: Squall? You Knocked us off the MB for the last time! HAH!

(IN THE PROMISED LAND)

Ambigore: Come out Come out Wherever you are!

Leader: Please don't kill me!

Ambigore: Who are you! 

Learder: You mean you don't recognise me? I'm not surprised It was over a year ago…

Ambigore: You're Westside?

Leader: The One and only! It's thanks to Me that your Citadel became opoular, Aren't you gonna thank me?

Ambigore: You Filled the FFHQ Board with Hentai! You wanted to rip it up!

Westside: So? It's all in the name of Progress.

Ambigore: Progress! If that's progress I'll rather remain in the Stone ages! Now Stand back, while I fry your a$$!

Westside: No, I Don't think you will do that, you see I have a little insurance.

Aerith: Ambigore, Don't listen just kill him! We don't have the time!

Ambigore: You Basterd! Die!

Westside: What and Kill The Ancient, I Don't think you'll do that.

Ambigore: I Won't kill her! MINI!

(Magic stuff happens, Sparkly stars and other stuff..)

Westside Shrinks.

Westside: I'll get you If it's the last thing I do!

Ambigore: It will be… You see I don't want to kill you, jusrt make you suffer)

Elmo (rushing in): Ambigore, is everyone alright? 

Aerith: Elmo, Watch out!

Elmo: What? (He steps back, We hear a muffled scream and a squelch)

Ambigore: (Glggling): Nothing!

Aerith: Let's go! There's not much time!

Meteo flys towards Earth, tearing into Midgar, In the Northern crater. Sephiroth has just been Destroyed totally. 

Elmo leans his arm through a vortex, Ambigore Slaps him on the back of the head 

Ambigore: Knock that off!

Elmo: Just giving him a helping hand.

Aerith Whispers 

Aerith: I'll be where it all begun, and where it will all end..(In the Northern Crater)

Cloud: I know where to we can find her, 

Tifa:Let's go and Find her then!

(IN THE PROMISED LAND)

Ambigore: Elmo, do I detect a tear in your eye?

Elmo: No, It's just that it's so sad!

Aerith: Come on! We're about to stop Meteo!

Elmo: I'll stay Here Thanks!

Ambigore Felt himself become one with the lifestream, "So This is what Sephhy Wanted" He thought "Now I understand"

The Lifestream sweapt across the World Untill It reached Midgar, "Ready". Asked Aerith. Ambigore Nodded. They Embraced and Kissed, A Great white Flash happened, Technology was No More. 

Ambigore: What about Elmo?

Aerith: He has his own Battle to Fight.

Ambigore: When Do I get home?

Aerith: (Dissapointed) : I Thought you were staying.

Ambigore: No, I've got a site to make, this Oddysee has given me a few ideas… What about you?

Aerith: They've have offered me a job as Goddess of FFVII Plot Continuity.

Ambigore: Oh.

Godess Aerith: So Elmo What About your final test?

Elmo: What About Ambigiore?

G.Aerith Don't worry, He's well taken care of!

Elmo: What's the final Test?

G.Aerith: You may wonder who's responisble for all this.

Elmo: Well I Suppose I am curious.

G.Aerith: It's time you met… THE MASTER!

(THE MASTER Appears. And for the First Time ever, Elmo comes Face-to-face with himself…)

TO BE CONTINUED

Elmo: What, You're still Reading this? Wow! I Thought you would have fallen asleep by now! Anyway See Ya in the Next part, Where Theres are an Appearance by a certain Elven Boy (& Girl) and other Fanfic Characters. Firstborn Dragon makes an Appearance, and this series Finally comes to an end!

__

Twisted:Elmo's Exodus (The Epilogue) Coming soon! 


End file.
